I Didn't Want To Be Here
by lovergirl85
Summary: Part 4. Poor Stephanie. She really didn't want to be there.


I don't own Batman. She'd still be Batgirl

And this takes place before the reboot.

Stephanie really didn't want to do anything tonight. She was tired, she was still sore from an ass-kicking she'd gotten the other night…but thank God she didn't have classes tomorrow. And her mom had left that morning for out of town for two weeks for a hospital conference, so Stephanie wouldn't have to try and sneak in after patrolling. Which will be a big plus.

Still, Stephanie thought as she threw her book bag to the farthest corner of her room to be forgotten for the evening , she would love nothing more than to have a girl's night. She was in the middle of trying to find her phone to call Kara when it started ringing from under her comforter and sheets. Stephanie grinned and flitted over to her bed and extracts it, hoping to see Kara's name…but caller id said Dick. She frowned before answering, because Dick _never_ calls her.

So it must be important. Like, end of the world important.

"Hello?"

"Stephanie," Dick chirped, sounding relieved she'd picked up. "I've got a favor to ask." Stephanie rolled her eyes and kicked off her shoes.

"Hi, Dick," she deadpanned. "I'm great, thanks for asking."

"Sarcasm really doesn't suit you," he told her, momentarily side-tracked and completely ignoring her not-so-subtle hint to indulge in basic social etiquette. Stephanie snorted.

"Yes, it does," she argued. "It's an essential part of my being. Now, what's this favor you need?" If it wasn't the end of the world, she was hanging up and calling Kara because she'd had a lousy a week and she was now convinced she needed a GNO. She flopped down on her bed.

"Right," Dick cleared his throat. "Tim, Damian, and Jason are sick." She blinked. He called to tell her that?

"Um…I'm sorry?" She hazarded. Then she sat up as the third name caught up with her. "Wait, how do you know _Jason's_ sick?" She could picture Dick shrugging. "And you thought it would be a good idea to bring him back to the manor?"

"I ran into on patrol the other night. He seemed off. Alfred picked him up the next day," Dick explained. "And he's sick. There's not a whole lot he can do right now." It seemed the best explanation she was going to get at the moment, and Stephanie thought she already knew where this was going.

"No." She can almost _hear_ the pout through the phone.

"Aw, come on, Steph," he cajoled. "It'll be fun." Stephanie cut him off before he could say anything.

"Dick," she said slowly, as if explaining something to a small child. "From what it sounds like, you have Damian, Tim and Jason in the same building. Please tell you had the presence of mind to at least stick them on different floors." There's a long silence. "Different wings?" There's more silence and Stephanie's tone turns pleading. "Different corridors."

"Umm…"

"Dick!"

"What?"

"If you're going to stick them in the same building, couldn't you have at least separated them more?" Stephanie could not believe this was the man that Bruce trusted to wear the Batman cowl while he was out of Gotham.

"They're getting along much better," Dick defended himself. Stephanie snorted a second time.

"Right. That'll happen when the Mississippi runs backwards," she told him.

"Uh...Steph…the Mississippi _did_ run backwards." Stephanie swore silently. She'd forgotten about that.

"Then when Hell freezes over," she amended and then added. "And we all end up in heaven. Then it'll happen." Because who knew, at some point, hell might have frozen over – that was just how their world worked. Dick sighed and she could almost see him trying to think up another excuse.

"It'll make it easier on Alfred," he tried next. Stephanie faltered, mentally cursing Dick. She'd forgotten about Alfred. Alfred was stuck there with all four of them. She could barely deal with two of them on a good day when they were completely healthy and _not_ actively trying to kill each other. How was Alfred dealing with four of them, when three were sick and most likely trying to kill each other?

"Ugh, fine," she groaned, letting her head fall back against the wall with a thunk and closing her eyes. "Let me get my flu shot and I'll be over tomorrow."

"Stephanie, if your mom hasn't made you get your flu shot yet, then it's probably not necessary." There was a pause. "And Alfred just left to pick you up." Stephanie huffed.

"Fine," she said. "Not necessary, but if I get sick, I'm holding you responsible." She stood to begin packing before another thought occurred to her. "Dick, where's Bruce? You can't conceal the presence of one Jason Todd easily."

"Out of town for awhile," he answered easily. "Dunno when he'll be back."

"Right…" Stephanie hung and began packing. "That explains why the manor is still standing."

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The first thing Stephanie heard upon arrival was a shout from upstairs and the sound of something breaking. She looked at Dick, pointedly raising an eyebrow. He looked sheepish even as he smiled charmingly at her. Stephanie wasn't buying it and she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him.

"I thought you said they were getting along," she accused. He shrugged.

"Well, they were," he answered. Under his breath he added, "When they were planning my death." Stephanie stared at him in disbelief. Was he really that much of an idiot?

"Excuse me? Could you repeat that? Because I _could've_ sworn you just said they were planning your death and you're not worried."

"Come on, Steph. They're…" He paused, fishing around for a word. "Bonding."

"Over your demise." Yes, yes he was that much of an idiot. Worse, he was the idiot who _knew_ what a bad idea this was and was doing it anyway.

"They don't mean it," Dick told her cheerfully, though he didn't look like he was all that convinced. Neither was Stephanie.

"You do know that if they kill each other, Bruce is going to blame you." It wasn't a question, but Dick waved her concern off.

"Nah, they'll be fine," he said breezily just as a crash echoed down the hallway, followed loudly by the sound of swearing. Dick had to admit that after five days, Jason's swearing was getting more and more creative. Stephanie frowned, listening to the answering curses.

"I knew Damian was sick, Babs told me, but it's been nearly a week. Why does he still sound like that?" Dick shrugged.

"Dunno," he answered before turning towards the stairs. "DAMIAN! Don't use that kind of language!" Damian sputtered indignantly before waxing eloquent with something in Arabic that sounded majorly insulting.

"Goodness, his comebacks are wittier every day. Now, if only we could understand him," Stephanie said drily. Dick decided not to point out that Bruce made sure he knew Arabic and he was well aware of exactly what Damian said. He was fairly certain the Dark Knight hadn't bothered with language skills while teaching Stephanie. "Right, where do I drop my stuff?"

"Um, the room across from Timmy's is open," he answered, leading her up the stairs. He can tell the instant the others pick up that there's someone with him. They all fall silent and Stephanie remains silent until they pass Damian's open door, when she waves jauntily at the boy, smiling widely, which she knows will aggravate him to no possible end.

"Grayson," Damian said through gritted teeth. "Why ib _she_ here?" Dick smiled at him.

"She's helping Alfred and me," he answered. He turned to Stephanie as they continued, pausing once to introduce her to Jason, who smiled charmingly at her and flipped Dick off. "I think you've grown on him." Stephanie snorted as they paused outside her room and Tim's and she poked her head in to say hi.

"Dick, that is nothing but optimism on your part," she told him. "Just so you know." Dick laughed. "What do you need me to do?"

"Well, I was kinda hoping you'd take Damian and Jason. Alfred has been taking care of them, but he needs breaks, plus shopping and stuff, so…" Stephanie resisted the urge to groan. She was the one who said yes, after all.

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"Dick, I can't really help but feel this is your fault," Stephanie yawned as she and Dick convened in the kitchen for sandwiches. It was nearing midnight the next day and she was exhausted. "I'm almost scared for _my_ health."

"I'm not sure why you would think that," Dick replied as she pulled herself up onto the counter and snagged a sandwich from the plate Alfred had prepared before going to bed. "Alfred and I just need some help taking care of them." He frowned, watching her.

"Well, for one thing, you sounded far too innocent just then. For another, you _insisted_ I wouldn't need to get an inoculation. Really, I'd say you were getting them sick on purpose."

"Not true," Dick protested. "I didn't 'insist', I just figured that your mom was a doctor and if she hadn't made you get an inoculation while going to a germ-infested college campus daily, then you wouldn't need one to take care of a few sick guys. And how could I possibly be getting them sick? I don't control fate."

"And for another," Stephanie continued, ignoring him. "You're making me take of Jason. _And_ Damian."

"They're not that bad," Dick argued around a mouth full of food. Stephanie gave him a look and he swallowed before continuing. "And anyway, that's more for protection."

"Protection for whom?" Stephanie demanded. "Damian's threatened to kill me at least five times, each death more gruesome than the last and Jason keeps asking me if I'd sneak him a gun. I personally don't feel very safe!"

"Oh, that's normal. Just ignore them," Dick yawned. "But see…you and Timmy…" Stephanie glared at him.

"Dick Grayson, you ever want to have the need to use _protection_ again, you stop that sentence there."

Dick shut up.

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Two days later, Stephanie vowed revenge on one Richard Grayson while she coughed up a lung. Jason heard her and seemed to think this was hilarious. Tim remained silent and Damian called out snide remarks. Dick cooed over her and Alfred simply said it was misfortunate that she, too, had taken ill. Stephanie snarled under breath.

They were _all_ going to die.


End file.
